I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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