Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
