I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
