I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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