i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
