Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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