just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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