Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize