Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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