I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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