She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
