that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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