He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
