Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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