Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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