I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cockslap morals
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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