so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
