Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
