So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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