Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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