just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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