69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
