You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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