i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
