I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
