if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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