do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fuck appropriateness.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
