i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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