Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
