Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
