I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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