so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
