YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
