i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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