Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
