i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
