Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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