Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He felt like a one man threesome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
