from now on my penis is your penis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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