hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
