so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
