i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
