1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize