I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
