I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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