We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
