Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
