Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
