she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
