i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
