He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
