i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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