If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
