I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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