he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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