So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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