I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize