I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
