I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
