I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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