conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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