Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sex in a hospital.. check
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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