Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just pee around me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
