I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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