I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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